Silent feelings

The young woman is seating in her chair, staring ad the phone without seeing it.

Her friend walks in, after gently knocking on the door. No more bashing around, no more slammed doors and punches in the wall. She had to check on her.

“Did you silence your emotions again?” The friend asked.

“Yes.” But it is just a breath.

“Why?”

Her head turns to the friend, a stunned look on her face before to say:

“Because they scream too loud and I have been taught to be quiet.”

“But you are hurt…” Retorts the other.

“I am. But it’s fine. I am used to it.”

The oldest woman suddenly stood up and made her way out of the bedroom.

“Where are you going?”

“To take some pills.” Words slurred slowly.

“Wait…”

“I have a headache. I have been screaming so much in my head, now it hurts.”

“Please… Just try get some rest.”

“I tried. I can’t.”

One more step and she is out of sight. The room is partially destroyed, only the bed and one of the chairs are intact. The other chair is laying on the floor, the clothes rack is bent and abandoned in a corner. The necklace she was wearing is ripped and thrown on the desk. Clothes are scattered around. Looks like someone tried to rob the place. She still can’t believe her friend did all this without screaming or sobbing. Just some banging and dragging. Nothing too out of the ordinary.

She set on the edge of the bed, reaching for the little pale stuffed dog on the pillow. She hugged it so hard its tiny glass eyes piercing her chest.

She looked at the picture on the dresser: mum and her, lightly smiling for the camera, a long long time ago.

“I wish they never taught you to be quiet. I wish you never have to make yourself invisible.”

The woman came back with a full bottle of water. Anger and alcohol never get along.

She looked at the young girl seating on the bed, her eyes full of tears.

“Please, cry for me as well. I have no power to do it any more.”

She looked at her younger self hugging the little dog and lots of memories came back crashing against the hard wall she build around her self to survive. Then faced the little one to speak:

“Promise me, you will learn from my mistakes. You see how much I am hurt. Don’t listen to all they say. Be yourself, speak up, stand up for yourself… for us. I failed, but you can do it. I believe in you. Even if none believes in me.”

The little girl turned to look at her older self standing motionless at the end of the bed.

“I wish I could teach you this lesson when you were me…”

A scoff comes form the woman standing in front of the picture.

“Well… It is me teaching you now. Go and be better. I love you. I always will.”